just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
