Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
