I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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