the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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