and she was petting her beer can
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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