dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
