im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
