Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
