Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
