You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
