Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
