dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
