is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
