just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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