Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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