Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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