Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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