He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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