y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
