but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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