So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
