I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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