So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
