so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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