College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
