Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
