Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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