Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
