I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
