well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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