He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
