Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
