remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This baby is an asshole
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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