I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
