The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
