I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize