So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
