Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
