her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
