I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
