I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
