...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
