I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
