How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
