Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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