i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
one might say we're banned from that church
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
