it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
