one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
