Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
