god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
