The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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