You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
