The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
