I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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