I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
