I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
