I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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