dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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