I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
