when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize