Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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