Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
