hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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