I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
