apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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