3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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