hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
