The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My ass is underappreciated
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
