Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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