Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
