Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
