Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
